hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
