take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
