you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
