like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
