How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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