But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
