As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
