Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
