matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
