Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
