it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
