update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
