so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i think i just lost a toe
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
