I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
