Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
