I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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