Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
