so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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