well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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