when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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