Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
