its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
