I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
