why didn't you poke me back
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
