"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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