I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
