if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sober January is a disaster.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
