I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
