What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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