Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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