I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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