I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
