Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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