I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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