yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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