have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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