every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
