dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
