the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
