I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
