If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
