She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
