apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
