Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
