he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
