she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
