he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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