I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
