I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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