Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
