One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
