I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
