If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
farters have to be the big spoon...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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