And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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