How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
