literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
