I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
