just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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