Just cropdusted the office
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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