I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
