Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
