I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
