Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
