I heard we made out
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
