i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize