We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize