If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize