Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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