Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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