I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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