Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
