He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
